


and the world is waiting for us // 世界が俺たちを待っている

by flightlesswish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3247130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesswish/pseuds/flightlesswish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he first kissed Sehun in the back of an empty classroom after school, Jongin didn’t know what he was expecting. In fact, he’s not even sure why he did it. It just oddly felt like the right thing to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and the world is waiting for us // 世界が俺たちを待っている

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a repost from my LJ account.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.

Actually, it’s like this

What use is it to hold onto something that is scattering?

Nell – The Day Before

 

  
  
  


When he first kissed Sehun in the back of an empty classroom after school, Jongin didn’t know what he was expecting. In fact, he’s not even sure why he did it. It just oddly felt like the right thing to do.

Did he regret it? Not really.

Sehun was in the eleventh grade and Jongin twelfth. It was the fifth year since they first met at that small, cloudless practice room in one corner of the SM building and perhaps it was in between their millionth  _hey_ and  _see you later_.

The sky was starting to burn into a few shades of red when Jongin jogged to Sehun’s class, his yellow uniform wrinkled from the long day and his unkempt bangs stuck onto his forehead with perspiration. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, heavy with bound sets of words and clumsily folded starched dreams. 

When he arrived, Sehun was sitting on his desk, half-lidded eyes gazing mindlessly to the world outside the dusty window glass, long legs dangling slightly in the air and palms of his hands pressed comfortably against the smooth surface of the desk. Warm lights fell onto his immobile figure in all the right places that made him look like he was glowing.

 _Hey_ , Jongin began like he always had, leaning his shoulder casually against the doorway. A smirk grew on his lips as Sehun gave him his full attention.

Sehun gave him a half, lazy smile in return.  _You’re late._

Jongin shrugged and came over. _You waited anyway._

 _Joonmyun-hyung will be mad,_ Sehun chuckled,  _but I don’t feel like going to practice today._  He hopped off the desk and went for his own backpack sitting on the chair. He took out a pink familiar box with styled silver  _Wendy’s Cupcakes_  printed across and Jongin grinned.

They ended up munching on chocolate and strawberry cupcakes in the back of the classroom instead of going to practice. EXO’s debut was merely a few months away and practices had become more serious and mandatory than ever; but at this moment, Jongin mused, chocolate and strawberry cupcakes were more important than any promise of blinding spotlights and screaming fangirls.

 _These are so good_ , Jongin sighed in delight as he licked stains of whipped cream off his fingers and added almost wistfully,  _I bet we won’t be able to eat these after debut, calories and all that._

Sehun said nothing in response and Jongin stole a glance. There was something different in his eyes that Jongin couldn’t decipher and he wondered if that’s a clash of guilt and sadness he was seeing, but how could that be?

Sehun tilted his head slightly to the side and caught Jongin’s lingering glance, his eyebrows arched in question. Jongin cleared his throat and licked his lips.  _What’s wrong?_

 _What do you even mean. Nothing’s wrong._  Sehun replied with a shrug and dropped his gaze back to his half-eaten strawberry cupcake.

But Sehun had always been a terrible liar. Jongin shifted a little closer to the younger boy and waited for the words to come. At the twelfth fading second he noticed there were whipped cream stains on the corners of Sehun’s lips; a few drops of soft pink stains bringing a spark of life on his fair skin but still a flaw regardless. After one hundred and twenty, Sehun murmured the first hint of truth.  _You’re graduating soon_.

The silence that followed nursed an off-beat tune of wind knocking against the windows and sluggish ticking of the hands of time hung on the wall just a few inches above the whiteboard in front of the class and Jongin wondered how time could feel so fast and slow at the same time.  _I am, aren’t I?_

 _There won’t be these anymore_ , Sehun said almost sadly as he lifted his gaze to the ceiling. Jongin followed his gaze and a few strings of memories untangled themselves in his mind, flooding his vision with shared cupcakes, distant echoes of words, and stolen times.  _What are you saying,_  he heard himself asking, intended nonchalance slipped away to nowhere. 

Sehun averted his gaze to him, his expression unreadable. Jongin blinked as he felt the odd feeling that he always had whenever they’re too close; of dulled and freefalling heartbeats. 

 _In a few months you’d be Kai, and I’d be Sehun,_ a shaky chuckle escaped in between the partition of the younger’s lips. It’s strange how his own name tasted different now, Sehun thought. 

Sehun and Sehun.

EXO’s Sehun and Oh Sehun’s Sehun. One same person yet colored in two different sides of spectrum. Not much different, Sehun often repeated to himself but it always fell through somewhere in between his brain and his heart and never tasted quite right.  _You’ll graduate and we’ll debut and there won’t be Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun anymore._

Why he wanted to hold onto this, he didn’t quite understand either. Names are just names, aren’t they? 

Jongin nested his gaze back to those warm dark-brown orbs and the last rays of the sinking sun broke through the windows, illuminating the boy with a sad smile in front of him and he wondered how it seemed like it was both mending and breaking the quiescent figure at the same time, in all beautiful ways possible.

And there were whipped cream stains on the corners of Sehun’s lips; a few drops of soft pink stains bringing a spark of life on his fair, pale skin, but it was still a flaw regardless. After one hundred and twenty, Jongin leaned in and learnt that Sehun’s lips tasted like a mix of sweet, strawberry-flavored whipped cream and patches of warm sunshines.

And when he pulled away, there was a damp feeling under Jongin’s half-lidded eyes. Jongin blinked and a drop of tear that wasn’t his trailed down his cheek. 

The confession came out a few strings of silence later. 

Jongin couldn’t really say he’s surprised. 

 _I... I like Lu Han-hyung._  The undeciphered emotions in his eyes were dripping into his voice now, and Jongin could faintly feel something finally cracked inside him because the confession felt so  _wrong_.

 _Lu Han-hyung?_  A pair of beautiful doe eyes, a blinding smile and a soothing voice. Of hushed whispers and concealed smiles and perhaps something much much  _more_.

But, really, how could he not know? 

What on earth had he, Kim Jongin, hoped to accomplish by kissing his best friend?

A confession that he himself had never dared to say?

What a fool.

(But here’s a fact:

The day previously, Lu Han came up to him with a smug smile on his face, taking him into a bone-crushing hug and announced breathlessly that Sehun had said yes to his confession.)

They let silence filled in to soothe the erratic heartbeats, and it takes another sixty seconds for Jongin to realize that Sehun was saying goodbye.  _You’ll graduate and we’ll debut and there won’t be Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun anymore._

Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun had to end here and Kim Jongin was a day too late to save them both.

The air suddenly felt too thin.

 _If... If —_ Jongin didn’t understand why it came out choked, because he was not crying, he was not going to cry —  _If I told you I loved you, always had, would you still — ?_

(or, perhaps, this was four years overdue; lost in between the  _hey_ s and  _see you later_ s)

The desperation in his voice and the blank stare in Sehun’s eyes were surprisingly suffocating.

 _There’s no ifs,_ Sehun said quietly after a few heartbeats as he looked away. Warm tears were still falling from the corners of his eyes and Sehun wondered why it tasted so bitter.

Then why are you crying? Jongin’s mind screamed.  _Why are you crying,_ he demanded shakily and grasped the younger shoulders to turn the latter to face him, all tear-streaked and broken.  _Why are you crying._

Sehun felt so warm and fragile in his grasp and to his own surprise, Sehun pushed him back almost forcefully and the next thing he knew Sehun’s lips were once again pressed against his; it was rough, almost painfully so, and this time Jongin could taste anger and grief in between hungry tongues and parted lips.

 _Because I loved you,_ Sehun trembles after he pulled away, all breathless and red swollen lips,  _because I loved you and I hate you and I love Lu Han-hyung so much it’s confusing, because it’s eating my sanity because you, you,_ you, he rested his forehead against Jongin’s and took a lungful of air as he fluttered his eyes shut.  _I don’t even know what to do about you._

 _Then stay,_ the words rolled out of Jongin’s tongue in an earnest plea,  _I can fix this. Please. Let me fix this._

 _It’s not working_ , Sehun shook his head and Jongin found himself unable to retort, the words died on his tongue because deep down, he  _knew_ it’s true.  _It’s not working,_ Sehun repeated firmly for him, pulling himself back and wondered where had all of those years flown; if they really had been in love why couldn’t there be any  _I love you_ s in between those  _hey_ s and  _see you later_ s?

 _I want to love Lu Han-hyung properly, Jongin,_  Sehun whispered,  _and somehow it hurts, but I really do want to. I really do love him._ He lifted his gaze.  _I can’t go on like this anymore, Jongin. I can’t._

And  _No_ , Jongin wanted to scream,  _you can’t do this to me, not after all we’ve been through, I will fix this I will fix_ us _—_

But nothing came out. Nothing, as he struggled inside to force himself to function properly, to fucking get over it because  _Sehun is with Lu Han now, move the fuck on._

The next words that escaped his lips took even himself by surprise.  _Are you happy?_

Sehun simply stared at him in response, eyes widening and mouth slightly ajar. Trails of tears were already drying up on his pale cheeks.

It almost felt like hearing someone else was saying it for him.  _Are you happy?_

(I can’t give you up.)

Sehun’s gaze softened and there’s no Kim Jongin in those dark-brown orbs anymore.  _Yes_ , the boy that had the world hung in his name said softly. 

(What should I do?)

The smile playing on Sehun’s lips was as beautiful as it had always been.  _I am happy._

(Is this it?)

 _Good_ , Jongin replied numbly, although there was a smile on his lips,  _good_ , he repeated and got to his feet.

Outside, the sky was already dark as the horizon finally swallowed the sun whole. It had grown too quiet and too cold, and there was no moon nor stars in sight. Just a plain black canvas perpetually stretched to the end of the world. 

 _Hey_ , Sehun tentatively began for the first time, because all these years Jongin would always begin and Sehun end. Always  _see you later_ s and never  _hey_ s.

Jongin looked back and met with a pair of crescent moons that strangely felt both foreign and familiar at the same time.  _My name is Sehun._  A stretched hand.

Jongin raised his eyebrows in question but Sehun persisted.

 _Kai_ , Jongin heard himself saying after a brief silence, hands unmoving on his sides. If it hurt him, Sehun didn’t let it show as he dropped his hand back and interlaced his fingers together. 

 _Kai_ , Sehun repeated and it almost looked like he was tasting an intangible flavor the name held.  _Well, Kai, I can see we’re going to be best, best friends_. Sehun’s voice was shaky, but he wouldn’t back down now, would he? He lifted his gaze and a smile grew on his lips.  _Sehun and Kai. Se kai. Did you know that sekai means world in Japanese?_

 _No_ , and Jongin suddenly felt the urge to laugh and cry at the same time,  _whoever cares?_

Sehun stood up and laughed.  _Let’s go,_ he said meekly with a stretched hand and crinkling eyes. Jongin gazed at Sehun’s hand and mentally told himself that he’s Kai now and Kai wasn’t helplessly in love with Oh Sehun, and the Sehun in front of him now is Lu Han’s Sehun and not the boy who’d stolen his heart all those smiles and tears ago. 

 _It’s going to be alright, isn’t it_ , Jongin thought as he carefully took Sehun’s hand as if it’d burn and braced for the pain.

He took a deep breath.  _One. Two. Three._

It never came.

Sehun’s hand was as warm and soft as he remembered and Jongin could feel a smile rose from the corners of his own lips.  _You sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind me holding your hand like this?_

Sehun furrowed his brows and pursed his lips in a mock-contemplation.  _He might, he’s the jealous type_ , he said seriously only to burst into laughter a second later and Jongin found himself laughing along. 

 _Come on,_ Sehun interlaced their fingers tighter and Jongin thought that maybe, maybe everything would be alright in the end. 

_We have the world waiting for us._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you all liked it!


End file.
